How to be a Superhero

By Steven Olson


For something really funny, check out the book How to Be a Superhero by Doctor Metropolis. I found it in a bookstore a few months ago. The subtitle is "Your Complete Guide to Finding a Secret HQ, Hiring a Sidekick, Thwarting the Forces of Evil, and Much More!!"

The book assumes you are currently an active superhero with a superpower. I suppose it's technically nonfiction because it treats the subject as if it's serious. It's written like a cheesy self-help book, but in a very humorous style. The book has two parts. Part I is called "Getting to Know Your Superpower" and covers various abilities and how to use them effectively. Did you know there are 6 steps to lift and hurl a bus? Or that even if you have physical invulnerability, your feelings could still be hurt by a carefully crafted insult?

Part II is called "The Four Keys to a Successful Crime Fighting Career." It covers developing your alter ego, finding a secret headquarters in any real estate market, choosing the right archenemy, and prepping your superhero resume to join a justice league.

The extra bonus chapter is especially funny: "On the Other Hand, Maybe You're Evil."

The book includes a few self-help style quizzes to measure your aptitude in various areas. Here's a sample question from the supervillain chapter:

Maim is to bludgeon as ...
a) henchman is to cretin
b) destroy is to incinerate
c) sidekick is to bait
d) freeze ray is to mind-control device

Good stuff to know in case you get bitten by a radioactive spider or fall into a vat of nuclear waste and wake up with superpowers.

When you temporarily experience the higher levels, you can see where you must go next. You have one of those moments of clarity where you understand that things have to change. But when you sink into the lower levels, that memory becomes clouded.




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